Honestly, not even me and Q could eat all that.

This has surely got to be from the final signs? Or am I being paranoid?

La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah…

Look, these things happen. I know everyone thought what on Earth was going on during the first part of yesterday’s Adab class, but like anyone remembered what I said from last week anyway…

And hey, make some excuses. You’ve got seventy-odd to choose from. Yeah.

Gere faces upto three months in prison.

Poor guy, although that’s the very least I’d condemn someone to for subjecting us to American Gigolo.

But seriously speaking, you’ve got to feel sorry for the miskeen – I mean, she was Shilpa Shetty, and he did lose control for a minute but if he had chosen me over the Dalai Lama as his religious guide, I’d tell him to make wudhu and knock out a couple of raka’ah and job done. Later.

This document is long (well, 40-odd pages), but worth reading solely for the joke content.

Europol Report

Here is a concise review of the document:

A Neglected Report from Europol

The Islamic Threat to Europe: By the Numbers

By KRISTOFFER LARSSON

Some things interest the media, others don’t. Since the fall of the USSR, the United States has sought another menace to designate as the ultimate evil, a world threat the Americans desperately need to take on. The 9/11 attacks gave them that enemy. And when the White House speaks, the media listens obediently.

Over the last number of years the “Islamic threat” has become one of the favourite issues for media coverage. It’s all over the news–Muslims leaders pronouncing threats against the countries participating in occupying Muslim land.

While America is the Western country most succumbed to the fear of Islamism, things aren’t much better in Europe. Its media is highly Americanised and thus eager to reiterate U.S. governmental positions towards the non-Western world. Islamic terrorism is subsequently a theme close to the hearts of European journalists as well.

Following this, you might think the journalists would be beside themselves with joy when the European Police Office (Europol) releases its first report on terrorism in the EU. I can assure you they weren’t. In fact, to my best knowledge, not a single Swedish paper or news-channel has paid any attention to it whatsoever. I haven’t seen it receiving much attention in other EU countries either (kudos to the EUobserver for having the decency to report on it). The report is namely a grave disappointment for the anti-Islamic campaigners.

There were 498 incidents in eleven EU countries last year labelled as “terrorist attacks.” The Basque separatist group ETA did best (136 terrorist attacks) and was responsible for the only deadly attack, killing two in Madrid. The remaining 497 fortunately cost no human lives.

How about the Islamic terrorists then? Considering the perpetual warnings in our daily papers, the findings in the Europol report is, to say the least, surprising. The truth is that Islamists only carried out one out of the 498 terrorist attacks in the European Union in 2006. Don’t believe me? The entire report is available on Europol’s website. Had Islamic fundamentalists been behind a higher number of attacks-say 136-it would have been front page news at every big daily. One attack is simply too few–it won’t do if the image of an “Islamic threat” is to live on.

The Europol report devotes several pages to Islamist terrorism, despite the low number. Except for the one attack in Germany this group was responsible for (which, by the way, failed and resulted in no victims), also Denmark and the United Kingdom reported that Islamists plotted to carry out one attack in each country respectively (incidentally, all three countries are accessory to the illegal occupation of Iraq). However, since these plans in both cases were exposed before they were set to work, they were not included among the 498. Either way, even after taking these plots into account, the report proves the genuine magnitude of Islamic terrorism in Europe–it’s not exactly a huge threat.

If we look at the people arrested on suspicion of terrorism offences, the figures are rather disproportionate; about half of them arrested were Muslim. In plain English: Muslims are a group causing very little terrorism in Europe, while at the same time much more likely to be arrested on suspicion of it. The constant media coverage of Muslims being arrested creates the false image of a serious threat in order to benefit the imperialist world-view Washington wants us to adopt. Meanwhile the Americans and their accomplices are carrying out genocide in Iraq. Clearly, something needs to be done about the media.

Kristoffer Larsson lives in Sweden. He can be reached at: kristoffer.larsson@sobernet.nu

My goodness. I thought women were a fitnah. I thought shaytan was a fitnah.

Then you get al-Shayateen al-Ahmar.

Does it actually get any better?

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), as narrated in an authentic hadith collected by Ibn Hibban, said

Four (things) are from happiness: a righteous wife, a spacious house, a good neighbour and an easy ride.

Four (things) are from misfortune: a bad neighbour, a bad wife, a bad ride and a cramped house.

So, anyone know any good women err…horses going?

1. Sorry love, stick to shopping or commentating on dressage or something. You sound terrible and ruined the entire game. The match actually became better once I put it on mute. ‘Nuff said.

 2. At least England gave value for money, at least Pakistan have a captain now who can field and at least my team Australia are going to do everyone’s baistee. ;-)  

 3. Brian Lara, we’ll miss you. A fitting tribute here.

The most unbelievable thing about this goal that you’re going to see is that I actually switched the game on late last night just as Messi scored it – one of those “do you remember what you was doing” moments. In my case, I was pretending to do some work of course.

Trust me. You will struggle to see a better goal in your lifetime. Enjoy.

PS: the fact that it wasn’t on youtube last night to upload here turned out for the better because I’ve just found the Arabic commentary version. Guys, I’m seriously giving you lot a real treat here…

Ya Salam Ya Messi!

Chocolate ‘better than kissing’

Just in case you guys had any doubts, well…don’t. This is just one of those facts of life. You don’t ever have had to have kissed someone to realise this. As for those that have kissed someone, well, like I said before…

Chocolate is king. It was made as a reward for our good deeds. Long may we continue performing good deeds. Ay na’m.

Incidentally, for those wanting something a tad more specific and scientific, here is a recent research paper from the editor of our professional magazine (the PJ). Now all I have to do is to convince my wife that chocolate is – of course – a medicine.

Unfortunately, I’m not getting anywhere…yet. Maybe if I offer some chocolate??

Chocolate: indulgence or medicine?

Because that’s exactly what I said when I came home and found out it wasn’t one of us.

That’s the sad way that things have changed in the world today post 9/11.

South Korean named as gunman.

Actually tell a lie, it could still get worse. He could be a convert…