May 8, 2007
I just saw a news report on the horrific story surrounding the abduction of Madeleine McCann where the reporter said, “We have no idea what Mrs McCann must be going through.”
Well, let me try.
Try thinking of the worst possible feeling in the world. Think of the most beloved thing you have i.e. your children, in their most beautiful and loving form i.e. their infancy, in their most weak and desperate state i.e. now, and then - gone. You don’t know where, you don’t know who, you don’t know why, you don’t know anything. That’s the worst part, you simply don’t know anything and you feel totally hopeless.
As Allah is my witness, you don’t wish that pain and terror upon your worst enemy. It’s an oft-repeated cliche that, but I repeat: I don’t wish that ordeal upon my worst enemy because it’s not just that person you destroy but the innocent little child in the middle of it all. And I only write about this like I am because recently I also thought that someone had abducted my youngest son.
Trust me, I’m not a melodramatic person but cutting a long story short (which obviously some of you know about), my son disappeared from a Masjid and being only two and a half years old, I knew he couldn’t speak or put his shoes on or do anything yet he had disappeared and a quick search of the neighbouring roads turned up nothing and the police were called. Don’t ask me why but I was convinced that he’d be taken. Why? I told you, don’t ask me. I just knew he had. And those forty minutes were the most painful and stressful ever. And then he was found. Down the road. In a Cash & Carry, crossing over roads and all the rest it, happy as larry. End of drama.
Whether I over-reacted or not, whether it was worse than I thought or not, whether it was nothing in the end or not - the reality is that I tasted that fear and terror that the McCanns are going through, and more importantly I’ve tasted the real meaning of Allah’s statement, “And Allah’s favour upon you is indeed tremendous.”
One notices the discussion surrounding the actions of the McCanns in leaving their children in the room whilst they ate a little distance away is hotting up. I don’t know whether I can be as critical of them as I might have been if I hadn’t gone through the same scenario.
How many times have we left our children in the car as we quickly post a letter, buy come confectionary, drop the older child into class, save the baby from getting wet by leaving it inside for a second to put the bin out etc etc? I know I have.
How many times have you made a mistake as a parent? I know I have. Many times.
Will I ever let my two eldest sons look after my youngest again, despite the fact that they were both holding his hands at the back of the Masjid? No.
Would I have let them do that today if he hadn’t gone missing? Yes.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but now is not the time for that but for supplication and support. The stupidity of the English media in trying to alienate the Portugese nation shows that the media don’t just hate Muslims, they’re just a bunch of utterly idiotic and evil irresponsible fools. I now believe that more than ever, I really do. A story becomes more important to them to sell their papers than the issue at hand. It would be simply unbelievable if it wasn’t for that fact that it’s absolutely true.
One of the police officers involved in the investigation said a beautiful statement: “hope is the last thing we lose”. So here’s for hope insha’Allah.
This du’a is for all those people in the world who are suffering from one pain or another, for one reason or another, who live in terror and suffering from one day to another.
O Allah, we place our hope in Your Mercy. Decree that which is best for us sinners, heal the hearts of a hurting people who suffer from the evil of others and give us strength and patience throughout our trials. Ameen.
May 9, 2007 at 10:10 am
There is truly nothing that brings tears to one’s eyes more than the suffering of children, whoever they may be. This story has had me on edge, as I think just as you of my own. The sad state of affairs was made all the more shocking when another woman was interviewed yesterday who had her 20-odd month old child kidnapped while on holiday 16 years ago, and has learnt nothing of his fate since. I can’t imagine the pain and suffering these parents go through.
There was a long debate on Five Live on the weekend and all manner of people were ringing up, many criticising the parents. Then one simply guy rang up and reminded everyone what the situation really was. There was a young 3 year old girl somewhere, very scared, and that was what mattered. You can’t legislate for the ill-intentions of others.
May Allah ease their affair and bring a good conclusion to their torment. And may He ease the suffering of all children and their families around the world. It’s strange how it’s only when the media open a window into others’ suffering that we feel it. How many of our ummah and others have no cameras to tell their stories?
May 9, 2007 at 10:15 am
It’s strange how it’s only when the media open a window into others’ suffering that we feel it. How many of our ummah and others have no cameras to tell their stories?
Sadaqta wallahi, ahsanallahu ilayk.
May 9, 2007 at 11:21 am
We lost my little brother when we went to Universal Studios in Florida over a decade ago. It was night time, the park was closing, everyone was going home and my brother had just disappeared! The park is huge, the walk to the car park was about half a mile, and with all the stories you hear about in America…we were really panicking.
I swear, I have never seen my father cry, but that day he looked like a ghost. For over an hour he walked everywhere, spoke to everybody, asked the security guards to do absolutely everything they possibly could. Alhamdulillah, we found my brother, but my dad looked so scared that day that anyone trying to put a different spin to the Madeline story is mad. I don’t know who would take someone else’s child, or why, but I am in total agreement that we should make du’aa for the little girl, that she is returned safely Insha’Allah.
I know how much our mothers love us; they panic at every single thing! May Allah Bless them and grant them eternal peace.
But I never realised the intense love a father has over his children, until the day my father nearly lost his son.
May 9, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Not related to the topic (sorry) but - what’s the difference between adab and akhlaaq?
May 9, 2007 at 9:05 pm
AMEEN!
May 9, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Salams
Adab and Akhlaq are very similar words, when used separately they effectively mean the same thing i.e. synonyms of one another.
But when used together, we could possibly say that akhlaq is something slightly more general and wider than adab.
Although we use akhlaq in our common language to mean ones behaviour and how well-behaved and nice someone is, it is actually wider than that.
We can argue that adab is more specific, that adab is how we deal with people (in general) and it doesn’t really always cover our interaction with an animal for example. In this case, we’d say that akhlaq would be more appropriate with an animal simply based on the hadith of ‘A’ishah (r) that she said about the Prophet (s), “kana khuluquhu al-Qur’an” or “his akhlaq was the Qur’an” i.e. “his actions, behaviours, characteristics and interactions with everyone and everything as if he (s) was a walking implementation of the Qur’an” as the scholars explained.
And as the Qur’an is more detailed and covers complete interaction with absolutely everything and everyone, and the word akhlaq is used instead of adab, it possibly indicates that khuluq is slightly more general than adab.
And Allah knows best.
May 10, 2007 at 3:15 pm
JazakAllah khair!
May 10, 2007 at 11:33 pm
I agree that it’s easy to be judgemental about the parents of this little girl and I pray that Allah bring her back safely. Aameen…
But it made me think of the following:
How many times do we lazily take risks with our kids? And how terrible we’d feel if those things we don’t do, out of laziness ever resulted in disaster. The meal that the McCanns ate that day and for which they left three children must seem so pathetically trivial and unimportant now.
Even something like not doing their seatbelt up in the car, or browsing the aisles in the shops with them out of view for a few moments, or leaving them in the car because you couldn’t be bothered to unbelt them all to pop in to pay the petrol. All these things would seem like easy things to do if we ever suffered an accident due to our negligence. What are we waiting for? Something bad to happen?
Leaving your kids asleep in a house and leaving them for a few seconds to throw the bins out is one thing….but leaving them asleep (and little 2 year olds too) to eat a meal in a nearby restaurant, in a foreign country with shutters on the windows, when there are nannies available at the resort, or when you could eat in your apartment/hotel room! And checking on them every half an hour!! A lot can happen in half an hour! A child could wake up and choke and scream or fall etc. for a long time before you checked up on them. When we become parents we have to realise that we are sacrificing a ‘carefree’ life we used to live, for one where we are responsible for others and in which our freedom to do certain things is limited.
I think the little girl could have woken up and cried and screamed near the window, attracting the attention of someone who then broke in and abducted her…who knows. May the little girl not suffer. May she be brought home safely and untraumatised. Aameen.
May 11, 2007 at 12:42 am
In other words, this isn’t something that could ‘happen to anyone’. Most people do not leave babies (3 and under) alone for half an hour while they dine out. This is just part of the ‘have it all’ culture…don’t let kids get in the way of your fun and carry on living like you are single or child-free…
May 11, 2007 at 1:01 am
Here are some other comments from a Daily Telegraph forum:
1.As the mother of a beautiful three year old myself, I feel the agony and dread of what might happen to poor Maddie and I hope and pray that she is found unscarred and able to recover. I hope this with all of my heart.
As the mother of a three year old though I cannot understand why anyone would leave three children under four out of sight and earshot. What if the building had caught fire. The smoke might have got them before the flames were visible or the alarm went off. Or what if they had simply woken up and cried; they would have been scared in an unfamiliar room.
For one individual to make the decision to leave them is surprising but for a whole group of doctors to feel comfortable with this is quite staggering.
What a tragedy. Oh please be safe Madelaine!
Posted by jane on May 9, 2007 9:18 AM
2.Perhaps the Portuguese Police aren’t used to this sort of investigation because they are part of a more civilised society that looks after their children properly.
3.My comments might be contraversial but as the mother of a son (now 16 years old) I would never have left him in a hotel room unattended and no matter how long or how close I was. My husband and I spent many evenings at home when other couples went out leaving their young children with a not much older baby sitter. We made our choice to ensure that our son was safe - not necessarily from strangers but from other dangers - eg being sick, fire in the house etc. When we went on holiday it was our choice to use a villa so that we would be close by to our son whilst he slept. Then when we went in hotels we would sit on the balcony at night so that we were near to him again. I dont blame the parents for wanting time alone and believe that you should be able to leave them but on the other hand we seem to be saying what a terrible world we live in where children are snatched and yet I would never have left my son in a room at the age of 3 years old just in case another danger occured.
4.It’s good to see that people are starting to query the attitude of “responsible parents” who leave a 3 year old and two 2 year old children on their own, while they go off to enjoy themselves. However, unfortunately it is part of the modern “have it all” society, that children should not prevent you from carrying on exactly as if you were single - ie out enjoying yourself!
PS. I have brought up two children and my wife and I never went out and left our children on their own. You never know what can happen!
Posted by D Doran on May 9, 2007 1:35 PM
May 12, 2007 at 12:04 pm
As-Salaamu ‘alaikum,
I’d like to echo what sister Fatima said. I cannot understand why people rushed to judge Madeleine’s mother for leaving her unattended. For heaven’s sake, she was just yards away, and checked on her every half hour. By such standards, it should be illegal for all the adults to sleep in a house if there are children around. Children are not dogs, you cannot keep them on leads!
May 12, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Yusuf,
the kids are very young! How silly of the parents to leave them alone in their hotel. So what if they were yards away, doesnt justify them leaving the kids alone in a hotel.
the parents have noone to blame but themselves
May 12, 2007 at 10:27 pm
first I feel so bad for this poor little girl in the middle of all this. May Allah swt keep her safe.
We cannot say ‘if’ this or ‘if’ that because this is all part of Allah swt design and plan.
There are huge lessons to be learnt from this whole thing.
It does not take even a minute for something to happen and i mean a minute! A child can disappear, slip, choke, anything and it can all happen within minutes.
Your child/ children are your first priority. When your children arrive in this world your pleasures and comforts now become much further down on your priority list.
Even if you do not sleep or eat or rest your pleasure and comfort is knowing that your children are well, warm, fed and close to you. That is all you need.
Therfore take care of your children, we seem to think its okay to just pop out and leave children unattended, let them play out on their own but believe me I know from experience it does take a few minutes for something to happen and then its too late.
Once your children are gone then what? stay close to your kids as we are their protectors, their guides, their friend and their teachers. We have to do all that we can to look after them and protect them and then after that rely on Allah as we belong to Him and to Him we shall return.
May 12, 2007 at 10:47 pm
I think Brother Yusuf Smith has it wrong…he is not echoing what I said at all…he is saying the opposite. I was saying that some parents nowadays do not want children to get in the way of their fun and they don’t want to compromise on their lifestyles for the sake of children…but when you have children you have to change your lifestyle…you have to take your kids with you wherever you go. The NSPCC website has some guidelines for leaving kids home alone:
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/helpandadvice/publications/leaflets/homealone_pdf_wdf36243.pdf
May 12, 2007 at 11:32 pm
Assalamu ‘alaykum
What sister Fatima said earlier was actually spot on - I simply cannot disagree with a single word of it, or indeed of the quoted comments.
The only thing I wanted to add was purely subjective bias on my behalf: I’ve gone through what they are going through and everything else just doesn’t matter anymore. I know that sounds illogical, but you never think that something like that is going to happen, and when it does…
But of course, I cannot imagine any parent leaving their children alone for even 10 minutes in a closed room. I just can’t. But they did, and we just all hope so much that Madeleine is found and we get over all of this.
And we hope that all people around the world could garner such support of the media, the wealthy and the powerful to help them in all their cases. But that’s another story for another time.
May 13, 2007 at 9:14 am
“As Allah is my witness, you don’t wish that pain and terror upon your worst enemy”
I really feel for you, bro, even though I know you finally found your son. I *know* how it feels, because I don’t know if I ever told you, but I lost my son in the Haram for more than 1/2 hour. I was running around everywhere calling his name and there was no sign of him at all.
Ibn al-Qayyim once lost his son on a Hajj trip, on the day of ‘arafa. Horrible feeling.
May Allah bring her back to her family asap, ameen.
May 13, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Sr Fatima I think you’re being overly harsh and judgemental. I also think it was irresponsible of the parents to leave 3 young toddlers in a biulding on their own but I think they realise that now more than anyone else. Everyone’s been irresponsible once in a while and most of us get away with nothing major happening. Madeleine’s parents were just extremely unfortunate not to get away with it this time.
May 14, 2007 at 10:35 pm
Whilst I agree she shouldn’t have been left alone etc. I also know that I’m sure her parents must realise this AND are paying for their carelessness. The worst thing when you’ve done something wrong is for people to rub it in and the rest of it.
May 15, 2007 at 1:06 am
I apologise if I sounded harsh. That wasn’t my intention at all. But please understand the context in which I made those comments. I was trying to redress the balance a little in the discussion. I myself am one of those people I am rebuking in my first comment, for taking ‘little’ risks, like leaving my kids in the car to pay for the petrol etc…something I will not do now insha Allah, having thought about how lazy that is and how taking that risk isn’t worth it. I feel passionately for children everywhere and I feel it is a ‘dhulm’ for us as parents to do things that compromise their safety and sense of security.
The media had been ignoring the carelessnes of the parents and focussing on the Portuguese police and how badly they were doing in finding Madeleine. Some newspapers were being blatantly racist against the Portuguese, that is why some people have been pointing out that it was the British parents who had left their children unattended. Also, many in the media were acting as though leaving ones children unattended like that was something that everyone does which is totally untrue. Apparently it was something the McCanns did every night! Not just once!
Of course the McCanns must realise that now, but to be honest, as a mother, I don’t understand how they could have done that every night. I truly don’t and neither do the majority of parents. Again I pray that she be brought back safely. Aameen
May 15, 2007 at 1:16 am
It also made me think of the feeling that Ya’qub Alaihis Salaam must have had when Yusuf (alaihis salaam) disappeared and the hope he still had when years later he said after losing Benyamin too: Perhaps Allah will return them all to me, or something along those lines….he never lost hope. And it is true. If Allah has decreed it, it could happen to the most careful parents.
May 16, 2007 at 11:14 pm
Why chip-tagging kids is a bad idea
In the wake of the recent disappearance, as yet unresolved, of Madeleine McCann on the Algarve in Portugal, nobody who listens to the British media could have missed the flood of smug mums and drive-by dads castigating the McCann family…
May 18, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Am I the only one who feels a tad bit different?It is unforunuate what has happened to this family and this young child and I pray they find her in once piece, safe and happy, I hope they haven’t harmed or scared her. But I can not help but think..There are millions and millions of children that go missing everyday, why is this family in the spot light?It amazes me!
Yes the parent’s have done bad for leaving her alone while they enjoyed a few pleasures, but to leave the door open? Only they are paying the price now and is this whole media coverage thier way of ‘paying the price?’.. Millions are going into this search project.?
Ok, I’ve lost it haven’t I?I don’t know what I’m trying to say.. But there are worst cases. Seriously.
May 27, 2007 at 2:55 am
I was surfing on the net and came upon this site and would like to extend a big “Obrigada” to Fatima for her posts.I am of Portuguese descent and dont understand how this story has been turned into a demonisation of Portugal. In the Algarve, the British have a tendency to build “ghettos” for ex pats. They dont assimilate with the Portuguese or even bother to learn the language eventhough they have been living there for years. They build tourism resorts, like the one that the McCanns were staying in, that cater to their own but lack in security. A family resort whose ground floor bedroom windows face a busy street? And lets not forget Brit parents who would rather go out to eat than mind their own small children. And I am not even going to touch the list of English child predators known to have traveled to the area recently. Portugal isnt perfect but we arent to be blamed for this. I feel bad for little Maddie, “Oxala” ( God willing, in Port.) she will be found.
May 27, 2007 at 9:00 am
You’re sadly right Susie.
Thank you for making these observations and Oxala, she’ll be ok soon.