AE

Yes, the blog is now in official hibernation.

Come back in a month’s time. If you want. And if you don’t…well, no major loss me thinks.

And all mostly from the “celebrity” world too (taqreeban), because this is an entertainment site innit? Hey, I get bored as well you know…

(Warning: this is going to be harsh and totally characteristic as all the locals only know too well)

Top 15 (in no particular order because irritation is irritation at the end of the day)

- Mr T: For ruining the magic of the A-Team. You’re just meant to fade away into the background and remain a remnant of my childhood dreams, not an embarrassment on an advert.

- Cherie Blair: For being impossibly more detestable than her husband.

- Amy Winehouse: Actually, I don’t know anything about her at all, but I hear that she’s a dysfunctional pop singer with a dysfunctional family and whatever else. And whenever I see a picture of her, I get scared. Really. Scared.

- Paris Hilton: Just for being Paris Hilton.

- Pete Doherty: How can he permanently look like someone waking up for Fajr?

- Jade Goody: Goody and her family are everything that is wrong with this country. Shame really.

- Britney Spears: For, well, everything. And for helping to make Paks think they’re the new Casanovas.

- Gordon Brown: Not for looking like Mr. Bean, no no. I actually love Mr. Bean. No, not even for being useless as a leader. No, this is because I can’t stand the way the side corner of his mouth drops every few seconds when he finishes a sentence. Look closely. See? Is that like scary or what?

- Brian May: For taking Shaykh Kehlan’s title of the longest doctorate in history, beating our Shaykh by 2 years weighing in with 36 years. Oh well Shaykh, at least he got it from a real University…

- Roman Abramovitch: For getting rid of my favourite bloke in the world Jose Mourinho and then lumping us with simply the most…well…Avram Grant. Enough said.

- Russell Brand: Do I have to even explain this one?

- Kanye West: who said,“If the Bible was written today, I’d be in it.” Hmm.

- Prince Harry: For staying behind and becoming a daily embarrassment at London’s night clubs every night instead of becoming the 1,322,233rd casualty in Iraq. Oh well, there’s always next year I suppose.

- The Liberal Democrats: Ok, I know it’s not a person but they’ve been so useless this year both locally and internationally, they might as well just be an annoying person.

- Steve Maclaren: For being as lame, rubbish, annoying and every other similar synonym as we all said he’d be. How devastatingly boring and predictable. Oh, and he’s quite incredibly and amazingly made me wish that my most hated character (other than George Bush of course) of the last few years, the Swede Sven Goran Eriksson, was actually England Manager again. Can you like believe that?

Winner:

- * Sheryl Crow: ONE sheet to clean her backside? What happened to Istijmar? What happened to Istinja? What happened to the SUNNAH?! *

End of Irritation. (Minus irritating moaning apnai). Kind of.

I’m pleased to announce that Shaykh Haitham al-Haddad and myself are inviting all tullāb’l-‘ilm, scholars and those who work with Hadīth for a Maqra’ah of al-Jāmi‘ al-Sahīh, or at the very least that which has been agreed upon by the two Imāms al-Bukhāri and Muslim (rahimahumullāh).

We want to hold this over a weekend, in a UK rural location yet to be confirmed, in the next few months before Easter sets in. As is normal, it will be for approximately 16 hours a day of continual recital so please only spread the word to those who you feel will be “ahlan” for it.

If you wish to be included in this al-jalsat’l-mubarākah then either email me privately or leave a comment below with your email address in the “will not be shown” box and we’ll get back to you soon insha’Allah.

PS: This invitation will last for seven days.

Kasmai I’m sorry, but I just had to put this up.

If you blame anyone, blame Q. And anyway, I’ve finished fasting for the day…

Keegan Makes Immediate Impact By Signing Sean Wright Phillips‏

Because I for one am heartily fed up of them.

When we were fortunate enough to review the AAOIFI standards that govern Islamic Finance in the world with Mufti Taqi Usmani a few years back, it was clear to everyone that the sukuk issue was the real weak point in the entire field, despite the fact that it was Mufti Taqi himself who helped create the current model.

It is little surprise to see all the news coming out from AAOIFI as reported below:

Islamic bonds hit by scholar
By Sebastian Abbot
January 14, 2008

MANAMA, Bahrain (AP) — The booming market for financial products that comply with Islamic law was thrown for a loop recently by criticism from a leading scholar, who has set off a debate about whether the industry has sacrificed religious principles for the sake of growth at a time of surging Middle East oil revenue.

Shariah, or Islamic law, prohibits charging or paying interest, so bankers and lawyers have developed a rapidly growing financial market by restructuring conventional products like bonds to make them compliant with Islam. Shariah-compliant products attempt to replicate the concept of interest through cost-plus transactions, leasing arrangements or by linking payments to returns on underlying assets. The process is normally blessed by a board of religious scholars affiliated with a bank.

However, one of the world’s leading Shariah-finance scholars recently rattled the market by saying 85 percent of Islamic bonds, or sukuk, are not Shariah-compliant. Sheik Mohammed Taqi Usmani argued that, in essence, they were structured too much like conventional bonds.

Many industry participants say Shariah scholars knew the bonds had structural issues but approved them to jump-start market growth, raising questions about how the gatekeepers of the Islamic banking industry weigh potential profit versus religious principles.

Others downplay the controversy, saying debate was expected, given the rapid evolution of the market and the nature of Islamic law, which encourages multiple viewpoints from different scholars.

The influential Shariah board headed by Mr. Usmani at the Bahrain-based Accounting and Auditing Organization for Islamic Financial Institutions, one of the leading groups trying to establish standards for the market, is scheduled to meet tomorrow with the hope of resolving the dispute and mitigating its effects on the industry.

Some say the race to expand the market has led to questionable religious rulings — a problem that is hard to police because of the lack of standardization across Shariah approval boards and the shortage of Islamic scholars well-versed in finance.

“Increasing the market in volume or numbers with false product that is against Islam is not a big success. It should be according to Shariah, that is the main thing,” said Sheik Saleh Abdullah Kamel, chairman of the Bahrain-based General Council for Islamic Banks and Financial Institutions, one of several organizations attempting to monitor the industry.

Islamic banking assets outside Iran totaled $400 billion to $450 billion in 2006 and are projected to rise to $1 trillion by 2010, according to a report by McKinsey & Co. Total assets, including those in Iran, totaled $750 billion in 2006, a small fraction of global financial assets, but one that is growing quickly.

Authorities say growth has been driven by booming Persian Gulf oil revenue, Muslims’ growing preference for an expanding range of Shariah-compliant products and increasing acceptance of Islamic banking practices by financial regulators around the world.

The development of the sukuk market has been particularly important because there was a scarcity of Islamic products that could provide mid- to long-term investment and potentially be traded in the secondary market.

Sukuk issuance has grown almost 85 percent each year since 2001, with the total value of Islamic bonds issued last year reaching $39 billion as of October, according to McKinsey.

“There has been this perception in the past that Islamic finance doesn’t lend itself to overly complicated structures, but sukuk rebuts that view,” said Nadim Khan, a Dubai-based lawyer who specializes in Islamic banking.

“It’s a real demonstration from the perspective of the Islamic financing industry that it is possible to structure widely acceptable, quite sophisticated Shariah compliance structures,” he added.

Can you believe this?

The Princess stopped talking to her mother in June 1997 following two telephone calls from her, one of which Mr Burrell listened to at the Princess’s invitation.

Reluctantly revealing what was said in the call, Mr Burrell said: “She called the Princess a whore and she said that she was messing around with effing Muslim men and she was disgraceful and said some very nasty things.”

Man, my upper-class expectations of British aristocracy have been dashed!

You mean … they don’t like us?

Wow. I’m gutted.

PS: Can all those Muslims feeling proud of the news that it was actually Hasnat Khan that Diana “loved more than any other” just fear Allah because that’s not on.

As for all the Pathans out there: you know we’ve still got it at the top level…

Anyone who watched the moving two-part series on BBC1 over the last two evenings on the topic of “Honour Killings” amongst the Asians and specifically the Muslims in the UK will no doubt be distraught and heartbroken at this blight on our community, indeed blight on our Honour.

There is much to say and analyse concerning this subject and recent public responses and articles have not done justice to the issue at hand – it requires a complete study, an understanding of its causes, and then upon a clear methodology based upon the Qur’an and Sunnah and our present day realities, a set of viable and practical solutions offered to deal with the various aspects of the problem, giving guidance to the initial guilty parties, the then aggrieved, the “stirrers”, and all other people involved along the line.

This is not about the Muslims accepting blame for this problem which of course affects many non-Muslim as well as Muslim communities; rather it is a recognition that as callers to a system that offers guidance and light to all people in all their affairs, it would be good to start with our own various communities around the world first before we start to export our values to anyone else and be accused of hypocrisy.

I shall be dealing with this topic in detail in the Adab show insha’Allah hopefully within the next few weeks or late February, during the explanation to the weak narration (collected by Imam Ahmed and Imam al-Bukhari) of the Prophet (s) when he informed that the greatest of Sadaqah was, “To provide for your daughter when she is returned to you and you are her sole source of provision.”

May I also inform all of the significance of tonight with respect to the Adab class: we shall be starting one of the most pressing topics of our time, “Bringing up Children”, which has been given pride of place by Imam al-Bukhari as no doubt it should. I’d like to advise all those who are parents or who intend to be very soon to pay close attention over the next few months to the explanations of the Prophetic narrations on this vital subject which is in effect our collective future. The class remains at 7.30pm at Makki Masjid, all welcome, and your du’as are requested.

Wa billahi tawfiq.

With the advent of the New Year, I always find it beneficial to reflect on ones actions and achievements in the previous year and make some plans for the coming year, alongside that all-important firm resolve to set realistic resolutions to carry out insha’Allah, and hopefully turn it in to a year of ‘ibadah and happiness.

Let us first remind ourselves of the history of what exactly the “Hijri Year” is:

The Hijri year is based upon the first year that the Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) made the migration from Makkah to Madīnat’l-Munawwarah. It is narrated in al-‘Uqūd’l-Duriyyah of ibn ‘Ābidīn (2/335) that the reason for the starting of the Hijri calendar was that Sayyidina ‘Umar b. al-Khattāb (radhy Allāhu ‘anhu) was presented with a contract that was printed with “valid only until Sha‘bān”. ‘Umar asked, “Is that the Sha‘bān just gone or the coming Sha‘bān?” Because of that, he ordered for the date to be included and the Companions of that time agreed to start the date from when the Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) made Hijrah, and they chose the first month to be Muharram. This calendar was started in 17h as confirmed by Imām al-Nawawi.

It is also narrated from Ibn ‘Asākir on the authority of Sha‘bi (al-Shamārīkh fī ‘Ilm’l-Tārīkh, Imām al-Suyūti, p. 23) that the Companions realised that a calendar was required but they differed on when to start it from. Some suggested the advent of the Prophethood whereas others suggested the death of the Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) but ‘Umar said, “No, rather we’ll start from his migration for it was that which distinguished between the truth and falsehood.” And thus it was so established.

So that’s the history of the Hijri Year. Now what to do when it comes upon us.

At such an occasion when we open a new chapter in time, it is a good opportunity for everyone to reflect – on time itself.

Normally when it comes to the Gregorian New Year such as 2008 in modern day non-Islamic civilisations, it is from their Sunnah to do a few things: they review everything that happened in the previous year, good and bad; they look to the future and try to re-affirm their plans in the long-term; and finally, they pledge to make key changes in their lives for the better.

The Muslim Ummah should recognise that it has a greater obligation with respect to these reflections. In fact, such reflections should be occurring on a daily basis, and not just on the 1st of January 2008. In any case, at least for those who aren’t in this excellent habit of self-audit and accounting ones internal state and performance of good deeds regularly, then the beginning of Muharram provides a nice opportunity to actually think about what we’re doing with ourselves. This accounting of course was the natural action of the Prophetic Generation, and we know that ‘Umar (radhy Allāhu ‘anhu) said:

حاسبو أنفسكم قبل أن تحاسبوا
Account yourselves now before you are accounted.

i.e. identify your weak points and failures now and rectify them quickly before the key audit comes. And it won’t be KPMG or Accenture doing that auditing, and it won’t be an audit where you can fiddle the sums, tick the boxes yourself and blag your way out, but rather this will be the Day of Standing, the Day that the real hisāb will be done.

We all know this as Muslims but we conveniently forget it, or worse ignore it. Surely then, now that the mind is fresh at the beginning of this new dawn, we should recognise that this is our life we’re talking about, our Deen and our future? The one thing that we’ll all regret later is not using our time wisely – not using the limited hours we’ve been given in this temporal world to increase our good deeds to provide evidence for us and using these few hours to seek forgiveness for our bad deeds in order to not stack up the evidences against us. We don’t want to be those who:

وَأَمَّا مَنْ أُوتِيَ كِتَابَهُ وَرَاءَ ظَهْرِهِ فَسَوْفَ يَدْعُو ثُبُورًا وَيَصْلَى سَعِيرًا إِنَّهُ كَانَ فِي أَهْلِهِ مَسْرُورًا إِنَّهُ ظَنَّ أَنْ لَنْ يَحُورَ بَلَى إِنَّ رَبَّهُ كَانَ بِهِ بَصِيرًا

As for the one whose book will be given to him from behind his back, he will pray for death, and will enter the blazing fire. He had been joyful among his people. He thought he would never revert (to Allah). No! Indeed his Lord was watchful over him. (al-Inshiqāq, 10-15)

And:

وَأَمَّا مَنْ أُوتِيَ كِتَابَهُ بِشِمَالِهِ فَيَقُولُ يَا لَيْتَنِي لَمْ أُوتَ كِتَابِيَهْ وَلَمْ أَدْرِ مَا حِسَابِيَهْ

As for him who will be given his book in his left hand, he will say, “Oh, would that I had not been given my book, and I had never known what my account is!” (al-Hāqqah, 25-26)

And:

وَوُضِعَ الْكِتَابُ فَتَرَى الْمُجْرِمِينَ مُشْفِقِينَ مِمَّا فِيهِ وَيَقُولُونَ يَا وَيْلَتَنَا مَالِ هَذَا الْكِتَابِ لَا يُغَادِرُ صَغِيرَةً وَلَا كَبِيرَةً إِلَّا أَحْصَاهَا وَوَجَدُوا مَا عَمِلُوا حَاضِرًا وَلَا يَظْلِمُ رَبُّكَ أَحَدًا

And the book (of deeds) will be placed (before them), then you will see the guilty people scared of its contents and saying, “Woe to us! What kind of book is this?! It has missed nothing, minor or major, but has taken it into account.” Thus they will find whatever they did present before them, and your Lord will not wrong anyone. (al-Kahf, 49)

None of us want to be in a situation like that, and we all know that we have to do more good and refrain from the bad, so what’s holding us back? The answer is a lack of concern and lack of respect for time itself.

As for being concerned my friends, then be concerned. Be very concerned. Hellfire. No Paradise. No Brainer.

As for time, then here we are at the top of the New Year and we should look to our lifestyles, our priorities and change our lives around what Allah wants from us and not what we want.

We’re in the winter now, and it is at this time that although we get the cold and miserable weather especially here in the North, we shouldn’t miss the blessings either! Have you noticed the short days and the long nights? Sayyidina ‘Eesa (‘alayhis-salām) used to say:

“The day and night are two treasure troves so look to what you put in them.”

Imām Hasan al-Basri said:

“Every single day of this worldly life calls out: O people! I am a new day, and I am witness to all that which is performed in me, and once the sun has set, I will not return back to you until Yawm’l-Qiyāmah!”

These are the days to fast folks! For those who are obsessed with food then you couldn’t get it easier with such an early sunset, certainly from a hunger point of view. As for controlling your tongue, your eyes and your heart, then there won’t be a shorter period to struggle for than in these winter months.

As for the nights, then no, it’s not just to sleep longer in hibernation for the killer days and nights of the British summer – we’re not bears, we’re humans! – rather it’s an opportunity to start some small habits of the night that we’re not used to like studying extra at night-time, getting up to pray a little tahajjud and feel the real value of what prayer should be, or waking in the morning and taking advantage of the later Fajr times to read some Qur’ān before that because

وَقُرْآَنَ الْفَجْرِ إِنَّ قُرْآَنَ الْفَجْرِ كَانَ مَشْهُودًا

And establish the recital at dawn. Surely, the recital at dawn is well attended. (al-Isrā’, 78)

Also, with the start of the new month Muharram, know that the Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

أفضل الصيام بعد رمضان شهر الله المحرم، وأفضل الصلاة بعد الفريضة صلاة الليل

The best of fasts after Ramadhān is the month of Allah Muharram, and the best of prayers after the obligatory ones are the night prayers. (Muslim)

Clearly then with Muharram upon us, we should respond to this narration with increased fasting and night prayers, especially when it has been made easier for us from His blessings and also because the 9th and 10th of Muharram are to be fasted for the reward of an entire year’s sins being wiped out. Now that’s pretty good business by anyone’s standards.

Of course, we are not trying to emulate the non-Muslims in how they choose certain times to be good or bad or blessed according to them, but rather we should certainly recognise and believe that Allah jalla wa ‘alā closes the lunar Hijri year with the great month of Hajj and ‘ibādah and then He opens the New Year with fasting, praying and ‘ibādah, so the year begins with good and ends with good. And know that Imām al-Tabarāni narrates a Hadīth Qudsi which is considered slightly weak by some scholars that the Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Allah says, “O Son of Adam! Remember me at the beginning of the Day for an hour and at the end of the day for an hour and I will forgive you for the (minor sins) between that.” (al-Hilyah, 8/213)

‘Abdullāh Ibn al-Mubarak in explanation said:

“Whoever completes the day in dhikr of Allah, the entire day is written for him as if he was in dhikr.”

Perhaps then that we should also seize this moment at the beginning of this new “day” and start it in dhikr and good deeds in the hope that we may end this New Year 1429 in dhikr and good deeds and hopefully be from those that might get the whole year written as if in good deeds!

May Allah jalla wa ‘alā bless this New Year for us and make it one where we get closer to Him and increase in our worship, and make that worship a benefit for our hearts in this life and our abode in the Hereafter, amīn.

(based upon Latā’if al-Ma‘ārif of Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali)

Everyone, whether cricket fan or not, will have heard about the latest furore in cricket during the fascinating test series between Australia and India. Much excellent stuff has been written on it already and all of the background, commentary and opinions can be found here if you’re interested.

I’ve been following this much-anticipated contest closely, not just because I really like the new Indian team and of course adore the Australian team, but because the bad blood that developed last year during the Aussie tour of India guaranteed that this tour was going to be full of extra fire and spice. And so it proved to be.

Here are my thoughts on all the controversy that has come out of the Sydney Test. And for the record, all the general statements that I make below apply fully to the Pakistan Cricket team (who are no angels either) and every other Muslim cricketer in the world just in case I get accused of doing a “Malik“:

- The Australian team is the greatest team in the world and has been so for many years now whether they cheat and sledge or whether they act like angels. They are just far too talented, full of character and gutsy - it is upon these characteristics that the Australian team needs to build its future on, not all this pathetic sledging and cheating that is becoming far too irritating. Seriously, what kind of example is being set for the next generation? Stuart Broad comes to mind, a young lad who’s grown up in this era of sledging and thinks that it has to be part of his game, yet it makes him look the biggest fool ever, like a little kid when he resorts to his childish taunts. If only we could concentrate more on the talent and less on the mental destruction of the other team through abuse.

- Ricky Ponting is one of my most favourite players ever, for his amazing batting talents and his inspired captaincy as well as his mental and physical toughness. But goodness me does he look a prat now. He’s never been a good sportsman, never been one to be trusted and Mark Benson’s decision to let Ricky give Ganguly out was about as pathetic as the Punter’s defence of his sportsmanship by saying, “did you not see how I didn’t claim the catch in the first innings?!”

“Mate”, that’s poor. We all saw it wasn’t a catch. And if you had claimed it, your baisti would have been done afterwards. So you told the truth. Do you actually want us to thank you for telling the truth? Actually, maybe you do! We live in that time now where to lie is the norm and to speak the truth is the exception, and one demands extra reward for telling it. The whole thing would be a sick joke if it wasn’t actually “true”. Pun not intended.

Again, it’s a sign of the times that Adam Gilchrist and the few like him are considered good sportsmen for “walking” when they know they’re out. Isn’t that just ridiculous? Surely every sportsman needs to fear God (yeah!) and be honest when they play their sport. This almost reminds me of that infamous Chris Rock sketch on black men and fatherhood…

- Andrew Symonds is a disgrace. I love his cricket potential, but what a cheat he is. And then the lack of shame afterwards to gloat about it. At least if the Paks cheat, they get punished only once because they don’t tell anyone about it. They know the double sin of informing everyone else of ones sins afterwards as well…

- Bhajji shouldn’t have been racist if he indeed was, and should be punished accordingly. And rightly so. On the whole, the Asian teams are not into sledging, racial abuse and swearing on the pitch even though there have been some notable exceptions in our desi history. Bhajji should have maintained his cool against the Australian abuse, reported it all, and then responded with the bat as he knows he can, and then destroy them with the ball as we all know he definitely can.

It’s funny to see those who dish it out all day night complain when it comes right back. This test has been a proof of that, and as someone who personally grew up watching cricket during the Merv Hughes era, I heard all the harshest sledges inside out but it’s always bizarre to see the abuser get abused and then moan about it too. I’ve seen it happen during rare moments of disgraceful yet no doubt inspired one-liner comebacks to some of the all-time great sledgers such as when Glen McGrath asked Ramnaresh Sarwan “How is Lara in bed?” and Sarwan immediately replied, “Why don’t you ask your wife”. Now that really freaked McGrath out, but then what on Earth is he being so pathetic for in the first place? Maybe there is some justice on the pitch then.

The only way to get rid of all this sledging and Andre Nel-esque fits of rage and foul-mouthed abuse is to get all the captains and officials implement a new code of conduct that completely takes all swearing and abuse out of the game. No exceptions. I know that those teams from…how do I put this politically correctly…err…some areas of the world might find a problem cutting out half their on-field vocabulary but it’s the only solution. Steve Waugh mentioned that different cultures handle being sweared at in a much more serious way and that’s very true. Take Mohammed Yousuf for example when he gets sledged at because I know he miskeen doesn’t want to get involved. He went straight to Anil Kumble and asked him why he was saying such nasty things in their recent game in India, which although might have looked a bit soft and all the rest of it, actually embarrassed Kumble (to his credit) for attacking an innocent Tablighi and this has surely got to be the way forward if we want to save the spirit of the game.

The other thing that really worries me is what must be the feared typical indo/pak response to being sweared at by suddenly going berserk apna style and shouting, “bastardeh!” and smashing the opponent’s head with the cricket bat or the stumps or both. Trust me, the Paks don’t have that cool an attitude to handle themselves like the others can and something Cantona-esque or should I stick to cricket and say “Miandad-esque” is going to happen very soon.

We need to revive the good old principle of responding with the bat or ball. We need to celebrate the wonderful six sixes by Yuvraj Singh against the kid Broad after both he and Flintoff started giving abuse. We need to revive bouncers and the wrong ‘un undoing the batsmen who just hits you for three boundaries in a row. And we need to revive patience and the belief that “they all balance out in the end” when the opponent is getting everything going their way with respect to lucky decisions and flukes, however difficult that may be.

- Finally, Benson and Bucknor had absolutely terrible games and they definitely cost India the game in Sydney no doubt about it. In fact, as one newspaper put it, it was Team India 0, bowled Bucknor, caught Benson. Yet Indian complaints against Bucknor that he is biased against them are just going too far. I think it is fair to ask for a review of Bucknor who is the oldest and most celebrated of the umpires currently on duty, especially as I seriously think that his hearing or sight might be failing him (despite the so-called checks that the ICC are meant to put them through). But to take that further and start the age-old smear campaign against him (and no, this isn’t the same as the racist Hair’s case) making it personal (have India forgotten how Bucknor gifted them a draw at Lord’s last year, 9 wickets down, plumb lbw to Monty?) and of course the good ole’ effigy burning is pushing it too far…

(the Americans are like thinking, “Eh? And we thought it was only the Muslims who did things like that. Hold on, they’ve got Turbans! Doesn’t that make them al-Qaida??)

Bad decisions are hard to handle but they really do usually balance out in the end, sometimes over a series and almost certainly over the playing year. We have to accept the human element of it and maybe we can make a renewed push for more technological involvement, but we musn’t lose our heads, and Sangakkara’s attitude in the Sri Lankan defeat against the Aussies at the hands of Rudi Koertzen is surely the example to follow.

And I think that’s all I want to say for now. I’m glad that the Indian tour is going ahead and I just hope that they batter the Aussies in all the remaining games, with Yuvraj suddenly going ballistic and becoming the first player to hit seven sixes in an over, Bhajji getting out the Punter again in every remaining innings and Symonds and Clarke being given out first ball for “dodgy hair styles distracting the batsman during the state of play, Clause 56, Point 4.”

I mean for crying out loud, what the hell is an “Islamic no-go area” anyway?!?

This is the stunning paragraph itself, from the very confused original:

Alongside these developments, there has been a worldwide resurgence of the ideology of Islamic extremism. One of the results of this has been to further alienate the young from the nation in which they were growing up and also to turn already separate communities into “no-go” areas where adherence to this ideology has become a mark of acceptability.

So, let me address you directly then: what exactly are we talking about here then Dr. Ali? Why can’t you go into these “no-go” areas? Is it because of:

Salafi Check Points at the road junctions?

Sufi Road blocks?

Braelwi Watch-Towers?

Tablighi Foot Patrols? (Hey that was good wasn’t it?).

And all of the above protecting Fortress Islam, with its castle walls, deadly moat, surrounded by the cavalry in their stunning turbans, gleaming daggers and MC-Hammer pants. Don’t forget all those AK-47s and some of the Islamic soldiers on the roads eating babies to add effect to the occasion and then with the Ikhwan’l-Muslimeen acting as border control checking Islamic Political Party affiliation…well, not only is it truly a “no-go area” but I’m amazed if any dirty kaaafir can actually get in!!

Dr. Ali, you’re more deluded than we are. And we only talk about this kind of bakwas in our dreams. Or on Facebook. That’s a joke by the way; I only wish all the Muslim communities could just sit down together, forget about build a fortress. I mean goodness, who’d lead the prayer during coffee-breaks?

You entitled your piece “Extremism flourished as UK lost Christianity” but maybe you should first consider before blaming the rest of the multi-faith community that perhaps Christianity lost the UK? I want to say something about how a wolf in sheep’s clothing will always still be a wolf and that the rest of us have a right to want to run from said wolf, but I’ll probably get in trouble at the next inter-faith meeting, so forget that one. I also know that you like stirring things up a bit, rather like me actually, but at least talk with evidence, knowledge and stability. Ahh, stability. Now there’s an interesting thing. I’m not too convinced which camp you want to remain with for the time being: Roman Catholic or just Good Ole’ Straight. Let’s just hope you don’t go down the line of one of your favourite “black Christian Churches” such as the Church of the Red Breast or even more recently something like Jonathan Edwards’ line and become a member of the Church of No God. Woops.

If that ever did happen (God forbid), I don’t think the Church of England could handle being attacked with such rubbish, and I think we’ve had enough of it too. So enough of this pitiful garbage and let’s get serious for a second.

Clearly Rochester is a very nice and dreamy place because the reality (or lack of) there has coloured your mind, thinking and vocabulary. I’ll tell you what a “no-go area” is: it’s the central market place in Baghdad which is under the occupation of George Bush’s Crusade. And do you know why it’s a no-go area? Because you won’t come back alive to tell me why. Actually, maybe you will – I forgot that you supported the creation of it didn’t you?

You don’t want international examples? Ok then, I’ll tell you what a “no-go area” is: here in Salford. I’ve had the distinct pleasure of working in the Langworthy Road area of Salford, and it might as well just be called Hell. You’re likely to be mugged, beaten, abused or all the above within a few minutes of getting out of your car, which won’t be there by the time you get back of course. And here, you don’t buy houses, you buy the road. It comes with all the wood in every single boarded-up window absolutely free. Oh and guess what? No sign of a Muslim anywhere.

The irony of all this is that I used to live in equally such rough places such as Hulme and particularly Moss Side back in the day and other places I’ve worked regularly in such as parts of Cheetham Hill and Toxteth, which really were “no-go areas” for real reasons and not just your own political jousting. Now, with the influx of Muslim immigrants to some of these areas, and the blessed evangelical plans of existing British Muslims (yes, you did read that correctly) making inroads into these areas of crime, fear and poverty, we are enjoying the safest periods of time that I can remember. And I’ve actually walked in these areas with other non-Muslims Dr. Ali, have you?

Anyway, I don’t see why I should bother gracing your delusions especially when others have clearly refuted you, but hey, at least it was a fun bit of ranting for 15 minutes that brought a smile to my face.

Cheers mate. Sorry, Reverend.

Regards,

Matt