Everyone, whether cricket fan or not, will have heard about the latest furore in cricket during the fascinating test series between Australia and India. Much excellent stuff has been written on it already and all of the background, commentary and opinions can be found here if you’re interested.
I’ve been following this much-anticipated contest closely, not just because I really like the new Indian team and of course adore the Australian team, but because the bad blood that developed last year during the Aussie tour of India guaranteed that this tour was going to be full of extra fire and spice. And so it proved to be.
Here are my thoughts on all the controversy that has come out of the Sydney Test. And for the record, all the general statements that I make below apply fully to the Pakistan Cricket team (who are no angels either) and every other Muslim cricketer in the world just in case I get accused of doing a “Malik“:
- The Australian team is the greatest team in the world and has been so for many years now whether they cheat and sledge or whether they act like angels. They are just far too talented, full of character and gutsy - it is upon these characteristics that the Australian team needs to build its future on, not all this pathetic sledging and cheating that is becoming far too irritating. Seriously, what kind of example is being set for the next generation? Stuart Broad comes to mind, a young lad who’s grown up in this era of sledging and thinks that it has to be part of his game, yet it makes him look the biggest fool ever, like a little kid when he resorts to his childish taunts. If only we could concentrate more on the talent and less on the mental destruction of the other team through abuse.
- Ricky Ponting is one of my most favourite players ever, for his amazing batting talents and his inspired captaincy as well as his mental and physical toughness. But goodness me does he look a prat now. He’s never been a good sportsman, never been one to be trusted and Mark Benson’s decision to let Ricky give Ganguly out was about as pathetic as the Punter’s defence of his sportsmanship by saying, “did you not see how I didn’t claim the catch in the first innings?!”
“Mate”, that’s poor. We all saw it wasn’t a catch. And if you had claimed it, your baisti would have been done afterwards. So you told the truth. Do you actually want us to thank you for telling the truth? Actually, maybe you do! We live in that time now where to lie is the norm and to speak the truth is the exception, and one demands extra reward for telling it. The whole thing would be a sick joke if it wasn’t actually “true”. Pun not intended.
Again, it’s a sign of the times that Adam Gilchrist and the few like him are considered good sportsmen for “walking” when they know they’re out. Isn’t that just ridiculous? Surely every sportsman needs to fear God (yeah!) and be honest when they play their sport. This almost reminds me of that infamous Chris Rock sketch on black men and fatherhood…
- Andrew Symonds is a disgrace. I love his cricket potential, but what a cheat he is. And then the lack of shame afterwards to gloat about it. At least if the Paks cheat, they get punished only once because they don’t tell anyone about it. They know the double sin of informing everyone else of ones sins afterwards as well…
- Bhajji shouldn’t have been racist if he indeed was, and should be punished accordingly. And rightly so. On the whole, the Asian teams are not into sledging, racial abuse and swearing on the pitch even though there have been some notable exceptions in our desi history. Bhajji should have maintained his cool against the Australian abuse, reported it all, and then responded with the bat as he knows he can, and then destroy them with the ball as we all know he definitely can.
It’s funny to see those who dish it out all day night complain when it comes right back. This test has been a proof of that, and as someone who personally grew up watching cricket during the Merv Hughes era, I heard all the harshest sledges inside out but it’s always bizarre to see the abuser get abused and then moan about it too. I’ve seen it happen during rare moments of disgraceful yet no doubt inspired one-liner comebacks to some of the all-time great sledgers such as when Glen McGrath asked Ramnaresh Sarwan “How is Lara in bed?” and Sarwan immediately replied, “Why don’t you ask your wife”. Now that really freaked McGrath out, but then what on Earth is he being so pathetic for in the first place? Maybe there is some justice on the pitch then.
The only way to get rid of all this sledging and Andre Nel-esque fits of rage and foul-mouthed abuse is to get all the captains and officials implement a new code of conduct that completely takes all swearing and abuse out of the game. No exceptions. I know that those teams from…how do I put this politically correctly…err…some areas of the world might find a problem cutting out half their on-field vocabulary but it’s the only solution. Steve Waugh mentioned that different cultures handle being sweared at in a much more serious way and that’s very true. Take Mohammed Yousuf for example when he gets sledged at because I know he miskeen doesn’t want to get involved. He went straight to Anil Kumble and asked him why he was saying such nasty things in their recent game in India, which although might have looked a bit soft and all the rest of it, actually embarrassed Kumble (to his credit) for attacking an innocent Tablighi and this has surely got to be the way forward if we want to save the spirit of the game.
The other thing that really worries me is what must be the feared typical indo/pak response to being sweared at by suddenly going berserk apna style and shouting, “bastardeh!” and smashing the opponent’s head with the cricket bat or the stumps or both. Trust me, the Paks don’t have that cool an attitude to handle themselves like the others can and something Cantona-esque or should I stick to cricket and say “Miandad-esque” is going to happen very soon.
We need to revive the good old principle of responding with the bat or ball. We need to celebrate the wonderful six sixes by Yuvraj Singh against the kid Broad after both he and Flintoff started giving abuse. We need to revive bouncers and the wrong ‘un undoing the batsmen who just hits you for three boundaries in a row. And we need to revive patience and the belief that “they all balance out in the end” when the opponent is getting everything going their way with respect to lucky decisions and flukes, however difficult that may be.
- Finally, Benson and Bucknor had absolutely terrible games and they definitely cost India the game in Sydney no doubt about it. In fact, as one newspaper put it, it was Team India 0, bowled Bucknor, caught Benson. Yet Indian complaints against Bucknor that he is biased against them are just going too far. I think it is fair to ask for a review of Bucknor who is the oldest and most celebrated of the umpires currently on duty, especially as I seriously think that his hearing or sight might be failing him (despite the so-called checks that the ICC are meant to put them through). But to take that further and start the age-old smear campaign against him (and no, this isn’t the same as the racist Hair’s case) making it personal (have India forgotten how Bucknor gifted them a draw at Lord’s last year, 9 wickets down, plumb lbw to Monty?) and of course the good ole’ effigy burning is pushing it too far…
(the Americans are like thinking, “Eh? And we thought it was only the Muslims who did things like that. Hold on, they’ve got Turbans! Doesn’t that make them al-Qaida??)
Bad decisions are hard to handle but they really do usually balance out in the end, sometimes over a series and almost certainly over the playing year. We have to accept the human element of it and maybe we can make a renewed push for more technological involvement, but we musn’t lose our heads, and Sangakkara’s attitude in the Sri Lankan defeat against the Aussies at the hands of Rudi Koertzen is surely the example to follow.
And I think that’s all I want to say for now. I’m glad that the Indian tour is going ahead and I just hope that they batter the Aussies in all the remaining games, with Yuvraj suddenly going ballistic and becoming the first player to hit seven sixes in an over, Bhajji getting out the Punter again in every remaining innings and Symonds and Clarke being given out first ball for “dodgy hair styles distracting the batsman during the state of play, Clause 56, Point 4.”
